The institute of marraige

At this very moment marraige is of a turn off for me, I wish it continues to stay in the distance. One reason being, that marraige for us is about "who comes for you". Let's see how many people come for you, hence-how many people want you? The more people you get, of course the better. So if you don't get many, or any proposals at all then there is something wrong with you- you are not wanted of course. In some cases, I've heard the parents would give the daughter away to the first guy that came with the fear that another might never come. I see it as a game at times.

It didn't bother me till now - A situation with my cousin - So he's just a bit older than me, and the most sincere guy and a smarty as well. I guess, whichever family got approached by him (in our town/area) they consider themselves lucky. I sort of liked him long ago, but I always knew he was never actually interested in me. I cannot change, and I couldn't change that back then. So when my mother had gone back for a visit (I hadn't been back in my country for 8 years by that time) she had mentioned to his mom that "n's dad is interested. If he is okay with it, I would like to say yes to this". And of course I didn't know about this, neither was I approached about it. At the time he had said jokingly "but she(me) knows can read better than me". Which I found a bit funny, and the answer should have been obvious. Then 2 years later I went back. When I went, I completely had no mind-set about him. I talked to his mom(my aunt) and his family just like my family. I never expected anything in regards to a "marraige". On the way back when we stayed in Muscat, at his sister's place - I was asked a question that came as a surprise to me. She asked if I was okay with him? or interested. I sort of turned red(I'm sure) and told her "there are better girls for him". Because I knew he was not technically interested. So she smiled saying "so you rejected my brother eh?" - Irony.

When my mom wen back recently, she had picked up the topic again with this mom. And his answer this time was that "if I say yes, my other cousin will take it offensively and there will be a problem". Which might be true. Mom kept mentioning it was smart of him to say such things, that's he's a smart boy. But I don't know why she couldn't point out that he was using it as an excuse. It made me laugh that neither his parents (both dad and mom) had asked for me,or pushed him with the idea(maybe they did, not sure) nor did he ever approach it. So his answer was obvious. Although his ssiter was the only one who thought he should have agreed to me etc. So, I felt hurt by his mom's answer and dealing with the situation the most. Apparently his parents had asked for this girl in Muscat, I was shocked! She was no near, good enough for him. It made me sad, they would consider her over me. All this never bothered me before, but now it does. but surely it will pass.

I wish mom had asked for my opinion before approaching him or the situation before hand. With that, I don't feel at the moment I will find a guy who will genuinely like me. I feel sure of that. Maybe I can live a life of a "server" and a partner. I don't expect love. As long as he doesn't give me trouble on purpose, then I'm ready to enter that institution. Because thus far, the 2 guys I actually did like, never had returned such things back to me. So it's better to expect nothing. I really don't know what the future holds, maybe I won't be entering marraige for sometime. And I have a fear in my heart, that if I am not engaged by a year - I will get some opinion from "someone" and would be made guilty for not having been "wanted". Even though all the other guys have been rejected without my asking thus far. So let's see whats to come...